It’s all going wrong this morning!

Tuesday April 12th 2005, 10:56 am
Filed under: Election 2005

I’m off to the West Country today as planned, but because the Lib Dems have postponed their manifesto launch we’ve also had to cancel our press conference designed to rubbish it. All isn’t wasted though, I’m still going to press the flesh in Torquay, but who on earth am I likely to meet during the day? The feckless and the scroungers that’s who! A far cry from the ‘hard-working families’ Lyndon says are our target audience.

As soon as I touch down the press are all over me. “Great,” I thought, “they want to know more about my manifesto.” But no, they’re only interested in whether I’m going to sack the Dorset South candidate for doctoring a photo on his election literature. I saw something about it in The Times this morning and thought it was pretty clever, but Lyndon told me that if the press asked about it I should condemn it.

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Now they want to know why I sacked Flight for saying things which shouldn’t have been said, but not a candidate who’s turned the truth on its head. I’ll ask David, my Campaign Manager, about that later, because for the life of me I can’t see a way out.

Bill and Ben are at it again. Blair and Brown, fresh from their first PEB (did you see it? Yuk!), they spent the morning rubbishing our spending plans. They claim there’s a “fiscal black hole”. What rubbish.

Oliver assures me there’s no black hole and he even double-checked the sums after he bought new batteries for his calculator. I do wish Oliver wasn’t so tied up trying to keep his own seat. He should field such questions. It’s making me look bad. Discover more